*One Million Moms makes a national fool of themselves for the second time this year, and it’s not even Valentine’s Day.
One Million Moms stepped up their campaign this year to be America’s Jar Jar Binks, obnoxious, harmless, bumbling and tartly offensive. The one similarity they don’t share with the Binks is they aren’t brand devaluing. After demanding action (and never getting it) from Macy’s to retract their two-grooms-on-wedding-cake picture from their catalogue, the Moms have moved on to pastures new with J.C. Penny. J.C. Penny’s crime? Hiring out gay Ellen DeGeneres as their new spokesperson. The Moms demanded from Penny’s that they fire Ellen for not accurately representing traditional families. In the time it’s taken me to post this article, J.C. Penny’s declined the Moms, thanked them for the free publicity and tapped cigar ash on their heads. Surely, the Moms will ignite a firestorm boycott of J.C. Penny’s, which of course will work. No company has ever survived having the 3-million-viewers-per-episode/demographic-devouring Ellen as their spokesperson. CoverGirl? Dust! American Express? Gone! Disney? Orlando is one big parking lot now! Thanks a lot, Moms. Keep battling windmills with your toothbrush.
*In more successful boycott news, NOM wants us to go back to Folger’s crystals.
The National Organization for Marriage recently “threatened” Starbucks with a boycott for voicing their support for marriage equality across America. As I write this, I’m in a Starbucks, and let me tell NOM one thing: “Hang in there, baby. You’ll get there.”
*China opens a support website for women stuck married to gay men.
Professor Zhang Bei-chuan at Qingdao University in Alaska– sorry, China, released an estimate that 90 percent of her gay countrymen get married to women because Jesus/Bible/Society/Mommies. If estimates of gay populations worldwide are correct, this means 16 million Chinese women are in sham marriages. 16 million sounds like a demographic to me, so ‘Jackpot!’ if I can tap into the passionless, shackled Chinese woman market. DAMN! Someone already beat me to it.
*Susan G. Komen for the Cure says NO to breast cancer screenings and YES to pink handguns.
The Susan G. Komen for the Cure institute withdrew their yearly $700,000 donation to Planned Parenthood for breast cancer screenings because the company is currently under federal investigation (from one asshole committee, who could keep the investigation going on forever, and probably just started this investigation in the first place to put such donations in jeopardy, but whatever). Never mind that Komen continues its grants to the tune of $7 million plus to Penn State, another institution that is currently under federal investigation. Some, and when I say ‘some’ I mean ‘all’, people would agree that Penn State’s federal investigation is far more serious than the one over at Planned Parenthood.
But who could blame Komen? It’s a damn tough economy, and after spending $7 million plus on Penn State’s cancer research center, $700,000 must be very hard to come by. So, to kill two birds with one stone, Komen has endorsed a new line of Breast Cancer Awareness pink pistols. This way, they can rake in the dough, and poor women who depend on breast cancer screenings through Planned Parenthood can use the guns to shoot off their tumors or something.
"Guns don't kill people. Cancer and guns kill people."
Susan G. Komen has decided to change course and resume funding Planned Parenthood on the grounds that their previous move was frighteningly unpopular and sadistic a misguided attempt to close Planned Parenthood for good fulfill financial obligations to donors who don’t want their money going to poor people, especially poor women federally investigated institutions because some of them are sore-headed right-wing psychos with a history of not seeing the big picture Oh fuck, I have no idea. God damn, I’d hate to be Komen’s publicist right now.
The point is that next time, they’ll find a better excuse know better.
*Santorum says pregnancies conceived from rapes are also gifts. You don’t have to like it, just put it on whenever God stops by.
A touch of old news here, but I figured as long as we were on the topic of Women’s Health, I’d throw a little Presidential Nope-ful Santorum nugget your way: upon explaining his hard line on abortion (and on his wife’s former fling with an abortion doctor 40 years her senior–also, he delivered her):
“I believe and I think the right approach is to accept this horribly created – in the sense of rape – but nevertheless a gift in a very broken way, the gift of human life, and accept what God has given to you.”
Oh me oh my. Remind me never to get Santorum as my Secret Santa.
*Bishop Eddie Long defies God to smite him.
Lastly, Bishop Eddie Long, the money man of God who is currently battling three counts of child sexual abuse and a subsequent divorce (and then a paid-off NOT-divorce) from Mrs. Long, decided to take a little siesta called 2011. Well, 2012 is here, and we have a video from last week’s big grand return of the bishop who, frankly, should have reappeared a little more humble. Watch below this video, worth 14 of your horrified minutes, where Bishop Long is crowned a “king” of “God’s government”. He is hoisted in a chair, wrapped in a 300-year-old Hebrew scroll to anoint him as the aforementioned King, and no one mentions the children he touched.
I swear any minute the scroll is going to spit fire and lightning on everyone in the building and make their faces melt. I’ve seen it twice, and I’m still amazed that didn’t happen.
2 comments
Tiffany says:
Feb 3, 2012
Part of my problem with these people who are anti-choice are
1. Usually, they’re pro-life while also being pro-war, which is in DIRECT contradiction with each other. They ONLY care about said baby when it is in utero. Once it’s out, they constantly are fighting programs that will help women raise kids, especially single women. So kids who usually grow up poor end up joining various military outfits because they can’t afford college, and essentially are sent off (occasionally) to their deaths. That same baby the pro-lifers fought SO hard to keep alive just died from things they support. Does. Not. Compute.
2. The problem with the abortion debate is that they’re going at it all wrong. DON’T outlaw abortion, because that’s 100% of the people deciding what 50% of the population HAS to do with their bodies. It doesn’t need to be outlawed, we just need better sex education, dear GOD we need better sex education!
If they want to reduce abortions, first start with teaching sexual education in schools, teach kids about birth control and condoms, and explain while abstinence is (in their world) preferable, also talk about the importance of love and not just “SEX IS BAD NEVER EVER DO IT YOUR GENITALIA WILL BITE YOUR HANDS OFF IF YOU TRY IT.” Teens want to get busy, their bodies are going crazy with hormones, and telling them not to do it is like telling a monkey not to drink alcohol while putting a bottle in it’s hand. They’re GOING to have sex, there is no way around that, except making sure they are well informed about how to protect themselves.
Next, they need to make birth control and especially the morning after pill WIDELY available. There are many girls who would much prefer that. It makes my heart break when I see stories about girls who wanted to get birth control or morning after pills and the pharmacist wouldn’t give it to them as it clashed with the pharmacists beliefs. WHAT THE FUCK? Who the fuck HIRES these people? “Please do your job and do it the best you can, but if something that doesn’t jive with your particular religious structure, please feel free to ignore it!”
GAH I have more, but these first two things would help immensely in reducing abortions without actually making it illegal.
Michael Russo says:
Feb 11, 2012
My word. Komen, seriously? They also did some sort of fundraiser with KFC a few years ago. They forgot that the #1 cause of death in women is heart disease. Nice move.