It’s Fall, and here come the biopics! If Summer is about Blowing Shit Up: The TV Show: The Movie: The Comic Book: The Movie Part 3, then Fall is about Famous People Go Through History and Emotions Then Put on Old Age Makeup and Die.

Fall 2012 has big shoes to fill because Fall 2011 had a fierce battle between Leonardo DiCaprio as J. Edgar Hoover and Meryl Streep as Margaret Thatcher to see whose flesh could fall off their face the fastest.

Where 2011’s historical characters were all about special effect wrinkles, 2012’s is all about HAIR! HAIR! HAIR!

Battle #1: Who Defined 80’s Hair the Most? The Reagans or the Liberaces?

HBO’s upcoming Liberace movie, Behind the Candelabra, stars Michael Douglas as Mr. Magic Fingers and Matt Damon as his partner, Scott.


Damn, I never though he could pull it off, but Matt Damon looks exactly like Val Kilmer. Wait, he’s NOT supposed to be Val Kilmer?

From Boy Culture.

Or how about Precious director Lee Daniels’s upcoming The Butler, which chronicles a black White House butler who served every president from Dwight Eisenhower to today. Behold, Alan Rickman as Ronald Reagan and Jane Fonda as Nancy!



From NBC News.

WOW. Almost too close to call. I’m going to give the edge to the Liberaces, simply because HBO will have the ballsier movie. Liberace made his boyfriend get plastic surgery so he could look just like him! Come on, people! Runner-up goes to Oprah’s wig, or what I hope is a wig. Either way, both movies win for Most Potential Fun to Be Had on Set.

Battle #2: Which Hitchcock is More Hitchcockian?

Last week, I wrote about the upcoming Hitchcock movie for HBO, The Girl, based on his alleged torture of Tippi Hedren during the filming of The Birds and Marnie. Saw Tippi herself speak about the incident earlier this spring and was relieved to realize that being an enormously self-absorbed pain in the ass is not just some new thing teenagers have decided to do.

There will also be another Hitchcock film out in theaters next year, with Anthony Hopkins playing the big guy during the filming of Psycho. So far, here’s the only photo from that project:

Toby Jones is scrappier, more unusual for the part, and it’s been decades since Anthony Hopkins took big risks in his performances, so I’m going to lean Toby on this one. Plus, the making of The Birds was so much more dramatic than the making of Psycho. Also, I’m mad at Psycho right now for turning into an assuredly horrendous TV show.

I would say Anthony Perkins is rolling in his grave, but he made three shitball sequels, so what do I know?

Battle #3: Who is More Not Who They Say They Are?

This week, Oscar season begins as it always does: by putting good movies in the most obscure, rundown theaters with horrendous parking that LA has to offer. Right now, wherever you can find it, P.T. Anderson’s The Master showcases Philip Seymour Hoffman as Not L. Ron Hubbard in the creation of a heady religion that is Not Scientology.

Whatever you do, don’t mention Hubbard to Hoffman in an interview. You will quite a dressing down. Like Chris Brown’s new tattoo that is Not Rihanna with a Black Eye, it may not be the original intention, but they can’t blame our minds for going there.

Also today we have Richard Gere as a cheating businessman, who is NOT Bernie Madoff, in Arbitrage. Another limited release that Fandango couldn’t find without giving up in a shower of shrugs. Points go to The Master over Arbitrage out of pronouncibility.

Battle #4: Who is the Most Beloved?

Two beloved actors playing two beloved presidents. Daniel Day-Lewis as Lincoln and Bill Murray as FDR. Both movies have trailers stricken with Oscar fever, Lincoln boasts a grand scale epic with a tone that says American Pride / Aren’t We Better Than the Past? Hyde Park on Hudson is a delightful British wit-larf on the eve of World War II. Which is more Oscar-y in tone? And both actors have dialects that are impossible to pin down. It’s a toss-up. I leave it to you to decide what’s best.

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Written by Adam Sass

Adam Sass

ADAM SASS begins all his writing in Sharpie on dozens of Starbucks pastry bags. This may cause him to be late making your cappuccino, and he sincerely apologizes. His Writer’s Digest-honored story “98% Graves” appeared in the anthology STARTLING SCI-FI: NEW TALES OF THE BEYOND. He lives in New York City with his husband and two dachshunds.

Find Adam at, his pop culture writing at, or keep up with him on his (over)active Twitter @TheAdamSass.