Written by Guest Writer Marcus Kaye
The Oscar nominations were announced bright and early Tuesday morning, and I, much to my own surprise, was up to watch them. I needed to tune in, of course, to ensure that Sarah Jessica Parker got her rightful nomination for War Horse and that Bridesmaids swept the announcements. Like every Oscar fan, I hate when the nominations are predictable, but I also hate when I predict them incorrectly. It’s a conundrum. Regardless, as the names hit the screen, I found that most of the surprises came in such a way that others I thought were locks or were seriously rooting for got tossed aside for less than admirable work. I’m looking at you, Glenn Close.
Supporting Actress: We all expected Octavia Spencer and her poop joke to make the cut, and I’m glad to see Jessica Chastain by her side. Chastain’s performance in the children’s stage show that was The Help is her most prolific role this season, but shit that girl was everywhere. From her understated work in Tree of Life to her bad ass Mossad agent in The Debt it really wasn’t a question of will she be nominated, but of what for? Rounding out the obvious three is Berenice Bejo for her silent work in The Artist. Home girl deserves the nomination for the tap number at the end alone- and for somehow holding her own against Uggie the dog (but more on that later). The last two slots, however, came down to three women: Janet McTeer for the painfully slow Albert Nobbs, Shailene Woodley, whose performance in The Descendants was stated as being JUST LIKE A REAL TEENAGER. An acting feat for that teenager, I’m sure, and Melissa McCarthy for her scene stealing role in Bridesmaids. It already got her an Emmy, so why not this too? Luckily, that’s precisely how the Academy saw it- choosing to leave Shailene in the dust.
Supporting Actor: This category is going to Christopher Plummer, so CONGRATS ON THE NOMNINATIONS other guys. I, for one, take “Oscar Nominee Jonah Hill” about as seriously as I took “Oscar Nominee Anna Kendrick.” Uggie did more tricks than Jonah, just give it to the dog. Seriously. I hear fabulous things about Nick Nolte’s work in Warrior and am glad to see him make a Mickey Rourke sort recovery of himself. Kenneth Branagh and Max Von Sydow round out the group- leaving one Albert Brooks in the dust. To quote whoever is behind Yahoo Movie’s twitter, Jonah- I highly recommend not shaking Albert Brooks hand anytime soon.
EDITOR’S NOTE: I was going to find a clip from one of the Best Supporting Actor nominees, but then I thought that’d be boring, so here’s that scene from Bridesmaids where Kristen Wiig calls the little girl a cunt.
Actress: As The Hunger Games Jennifer Lawrence announced the nominees, I couldn’t help but imagine how awesome it would be to see Tilda Swinton and Meryl Streep go head to head in The Hunger Games. I’d rather watch that than an Oscar ceremony hosted by Billy Crystal, wouldn’t you? As it turns out, Tilda won’t be competing. Glenn Close rushed to the podium to take her place. That bitch. It’s okay Tilda – You is kind, you is smart, you in important. Viola Davis and Michelle Williams deservedly took slots 3 and 4, and in for the surprise kill: Rooney Mara for The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. You go, Rooney! Now my Halloween costume will be slightly more relevant. Can we take a moment to acknowledge the amount of lesbian in this category? Maybe Meryl will make out with one of them again and we can really amp it up.
Actor: We’ve got obvious American leading men George Clooney and Brad Pitt and France’s own George Clooney played by Jean Dujardin. In the surprise department, Gary Oldman’s George Smiley makes the cut for the distinguished actor’s first Oscar nomination and Demian Bichir for the hyper-emotional A Better Life. It doesn’t really matter. Clooney has this category all but sewn up. I just hope that when he takes the stage to give his speech he unzips his face and SURPRISE! He’s played my Meryl Streep. Notably left out of the category – Ryan Gosling and his abs and Michael Fassbender and his Fassboner. Now he’ll just need to do ANOTHER naked movie to get the Academy’s attention. You see what they did there? You can thank them later.
Best Picture: There is a notable amount of Best Picture nominees with no performance nominations whatsoever: Hugo, Midnight in Paris, The Tree of Life and War Horse (Sorry, SJP!). Midnight in Paris’s lack of performance nominations is surprising, as Woody is excellent at getting his actors and actresses noticed (Penelope Cruz is drinking to this). The Help, on the other hand, has ONLY performance nominations and nothing beyond that. The Artist, The Descendants and Moneyball are really the movies that are represented in acting categories and another: be it screenplay, director, or editing. Sure, Hugo has the most nominations and is rooted in children’s performances (often ignored by The Academy), but can anything unseat The Artist as front-runner? I highly doubt it’ll be Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close – the surprise nomination for a movie I was excited about based on trailer and less excited about based on the actual film. Kudos to the Academy for their inclusion of Tree of Life. It’s about time someone recognized screensavers. Sad that Bridesmaids didn’t secure the tenth slot for the nomination – but hey- at least it got a screenplay nomination. Now all we need is for it to win so we can see Kristen Wiig and Annie Mumolo recreate the wedding shower microphone sequence.
*I’m excited that A Separation was included in the best original screenplay category, as it’s always thrilling when a foreign film breaks out of the foreign film ghetto.
*There are only two songs in the best original song category. Does this mean The Muppets are a lock to take the stage? God, I hope so.
*It’s a shame that Young Adult was shut out. Charlize was another type of monster, and Diablo Cody’s script was a brave one. I suppose the Academy wants something more like War Horse, which is sort of out of Diablo’s wheelhouse. She would have turned it into My Little Pony.
*The poster for Chico and Rita (best animated feature nominee) is downright pornographic. I must see it.
*Drive got a lonely single nomination for sound editing. Which it will lose. To Transformers. Ouch.