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Otherwise known as “Agorahomophobia,” Gay Agoraphobia is characterized by fears of seeing gay people in your daily life being so great that you’re forced to just stay inside.

Who suffers from such a debilitating and specific affliction?  Apparently, just one.  We’ll call her Stacy T. to protect her anonymity.  What?  She yakked about this on her Mom Blog?  Oh ok, her name is Stacy Trascanos, a self-proclaimed scientist turned Catholic Homemaker (she made the distinction, not me).

Where would we would be without Mom Blogs?  Still groping around in the dark, rubbing two sticks together to find a faster way to inject widespread, unfounded manias.  “Don’t vaccinate your kids!”  “Don’t use aloe until they’re three!”  “Don’t give them wheat!”  “Give them shitloads of wheat!”  “Why aren’t the schools doing anything about iiiiitttt?!”

Get yourself together! (SLAP)

You want proof that Mom Blogs are everywhere?

Chapter 9: "The Only Thing That Stands Between Your Kids and the Inky Black Chasm of Societal Oblivion is Your Bottomless Hysteria"

Okay, so, Ms. Stacy, give the listening world your best shriek:

I find myself unable to even leave the house anymore without worrying about what in tarnation we are going to encounter. We are responsible citizens. We live by the rules, we pay our taxes, we take care of our things. I’m supposed to be able to influence what goes on in my community, and as a voter I do exercise that right. But I’m outnumbered. I can’t even go to normal places without having to sit silently and tolerate immorality. We all know what would happen if I asked two men or two women to stop displaying, right in front of me and my children, that they live in sodomy. 

She experienced two things: a gay couple engaged in inappropriate “elbow-rubbing” (what?) and a lesbian couple hugging.

REDRUM!!

Folks, at the risk of sounding like a Mom Blogger, I know MySpace, Facebook and iEverything has guided our humanity down a rabbit hole of inescapable narcissism, but… Does this woman actually believe that being a law-abiding citizen (you’re supposed to do this; bragging about it is weird) who pays taxes (you’re supposed to do this, too) and takes care of your things (as opposed to setting them on fire, I guess) gives her a vote to exercise her right over….what?  Preventing gay people from touching in public?  This is a demand that falls into the categories of both “inappropriate” and “infeasible.”

My boyfriend and I went to Disneyland last month, had the time of our lives, and we kissed in public.  There were kids there, but we didn’t actively seek out kids to kiss in front of.  We just didn’t think about it.  It was a relief that for the first time, I wasn’t thinking about who was looking.  And we had two separate encounters with fellow magic-lovers that day.  One good: a couple of ladies who asked if we wanted them to take our picture.  One not-so-good: an old lady scolded us in Fantasyland for kissing.  Not making out, kissing.

Gays pay taxes (we pay MORE taxes than you, actually).  We abide by the laws (even the ones that bind us).  We take care of our things (which are nicer than yours, and need better taking care of).  What vote does this give us?  The same one it gives you.  We’re each stuck with the other.

Let it go.  Enjoy your life, and we’ll enjoy ours.