06813p01d30xx 300x300 Gay News Roundup: Mawwiage

*New Hampshire gays get the right to mind their own business until next January.

New Hampshire has had gay marriage for over two years now, and for the foreseeable future, it isn’t going anywhere.  The efforts by some to repeal the toddler-aged marriage law, and make the states that have gay marriage 5 going on 6, will be fruitless in 2012.  It is not on the legislative agenda this year, and the move is probably a coldly calculated one.  The Republicans who control both houses can’t come to an agreement and won’t have a consensus to override a DEFINITE veto by Governor Lynch, should this silliness come to pass.

Are the New Hampshire legislators listening to their constituents, 63% of whom (LAST YEAR, of all forever ago’s, mind you) oppose the repeal?  Are they listening to their constituents, 92% of whom wish they would focus on the economy rather than this?

I’d love to say YES, but I suspect the reason is that Governor Lynch is retiring this year, and the GOP is hoping they will have the pick of the litter for 2013.  What the GOP fails to see is the public’s growing exhaustion with their nagging bitch wife-osity.  2012 will be a watermark year for electing fair-minded reds and blues who will finally understand that this well is done dry.

*New Jersey begins battle for Marriage Equality and a circus follows.

While Washington appears to be sewn up for the time being, New Jersey began its deliberation this week.  It moved past its first hurdle by getting out of the House panel, which was approved along party lines.  I always read “along party lines” in the news, and while I know it merely means the Dems voted their way, the Repubs voted theirs, I always wish it meant this:

 

The panel discussion was a reliable mixture of heartfelt testimony and anti-gay end-of-daysers.  The audience, however, proved remarkably keyed into what was true and what was bullshit.  After one witness, Rev. Jean Ann DiBenedetto of Greater New Joizy, said, “we have more ex-gays than practicing gays, and that’s a fact,” the audience laughed.  She should be an audience warm-up comic with the amount of laughter she got Thursday.  Chairman Barnes admonished the audience to give every witness the respect they deserve.  First of all, it’s “he or she deserves.”  Second of all, what if she deserved laughter because she testified to a legislative panel that is determining the fates of thousands of Jersey families that something was a fact, and it wasn’t a fact at all?  It’s known as a lie.  Ask your teacher or parent next time you see them if a lie is the same thing as a fact.

Regardless, the day pressed on, and we heard from a lovely young girl who wanted her dads to get married.  We also heard from a registered nurse, Greg Quinlan, who claims to be an “ex-gay,” one of Rev. DiBenedetto’s many:

 

He said that gays don’t deserve civil rights because it isn’t innate, and, here come those “facts” again: “there is zero evidence that anyone is born a homosexual.”  He’s absolutely right.  No evidence whatsoever.  No cursory Google search comes up with this, this or this.  In “fact,” when you type in “biological evidence of” in Google, number two pops up with “of homosexuality.” Number one is “actual age of the Earth.”  I suppose any sentence can become a question with the right punctuation.

So confident was Nurse Quinlan in his ex-gay claims that he showed up to the panel discussion in a fuchsia sweater and what can only be described as “Gay Glasses.”

 

File this one under “P” for “Poor Son of a Bitch.”

*Governor Christie sweats more than usual.

Governor Chris Christie has said he will veto any gay marriage law the New Jersey state government puts on his desk because are you nuts? he’s going to be running for president someday! he feels the issue should be voted on by the people.  He then drew fire from all civil rights groups when he said that black people would have been thrilled to have a vote on their rights rather than fighting and dying in the streets.  He then withdrew this comment when it (twist!) didn’t play well with black people.

As unhumiliating as others voting on my right to marry my boyfriend is, I can’t help but feel that this “citizen’s vote” thing is like me asking if I can use the bathroom.  Even if the decision goes my way, I still had to ask permission to use the bathroom.

So, Governor Christie is getting frustrated that no one wants to blow him because of how benevolent he’s being.  He asked, “How much more magnanimous can I be?”

The definition of “Magnanimous” is: Very generous or forgiving, especially toward a rival or someone less powerful than oneself.

 

How much more magnanimous can you be?  You could not veto the bill.  You could see that the members of your citizen-elected government know what they’re doing and passed a good piece of legislation.  You could refer to your own knowledge that 53% of Jersey-livers approve of gay marriage.  You could be aware that you look like an ad for yellow journalism and not say things like “How much more magnanimous can I be?”

But Gov. Christie is sweating.  He can’t win on this one.  We will push, and if we don’t succeed this year, we’ll try again next year and the year after that.  But we will never applaud a citizen’s vote as some grand bargain.  He’s sweating and hoping we don’t notice.  Kind of like this guy:

 

*Marriage finally comes to Washington. Well, at least, until November.

The first hurdle towards Marriage Equality in Washington has been successfully vaulted.  The Senate passed the bill with 28 of the necessary 25 votes.  The bill moves on to House and the governor’s desk, where it is assured passage.  The real battle begins now, as marriage foes gather the signatures needed to create Washington’s own Prop 8 this November.  Public opinion on Marriage Equality in that state enjoys a narrow margin of support with anywhere from 47 to 51% in favor, with a great deal undecided.  It’ll be close, but then again, California had the same numbers back in 2008.  Washingtonians, get yourselves register to vote, and let’s send these NOM buggerers back to where they belong:  holding up the drive-thru line in McDonald’s when I need to get to work.

*Prop 8 trial videos cannot be released to the public on grounds of pinky promise.

The SECOND most important verdict in the Prop 8 trial was verdicted on Thursday, when the 9th circuit of appeals ruled that the initial videos of the Prop 8 trial would not be released to the public. The verdict said YES the public had a right to them, but NO they wouldn’t get them because before the trial Judge Walker made some asinine promise to the defendants (the bigots) that no one would ever see the videos, and therefore their testimony was based on that. Had the defendants known the videos would see the cold, hard light of Internet, would they have made less preposterous defenses?  Probably not, but this is the nasty little hole we got ourselves into.  Oh, well, the 9th circuit of appeals, which currently holds the FIRST most important verdict in the Prop 8 trial can now get back to work on deciding the fate of gay Californians…in about six months or whatever.  Get off their backs!  They’ve been really tired lately.

*If gays can marry, men won’t marry women and will rape instead.

Via Joe My God. The hate group “Minnesota for Marriage” released their newest Minnesota Marriage Minute video.  Their job is to talk about the upcoming so-called Marriage Protection Amendment coming to a vote this year in Minnesota, which would ban Marriage Equality in Minnesota.

There’s been a lot of chatter from anti-gays who want to explain the reason for marriage, and why it should exclude gays.  This video offers a little twist on a familiar “penis + vagina = baby = human race continues” yarn.

Watch Marriage Minute spokesperson Kalley Yanta, who I believe is secretly Tea Leoni auditioning for the role of Mary Hart in the Entertainment Tonight biopic, explain marriage and fail to understand that talking for two minutes isn’t a minute.

 

WOW!  That sure was a lot of different ethnicities “Minnesota for Marriage” made sure to cram in a minute (two minutes).

Remember now, marriage channels biological drive and sexual passion that might otherwise become socially destructive.  So, marry a gay man or else we’ll rape you, because they aren’t going to let us marry the men we want.  Also, remember that Kalley Yanta spends her day correcting people who call her “Kelly.”  Yeah, she’s that person.

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Written by Adam Sass

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Adam is a writer of gay-themed sci-fi thrillers. He lives in Los Angeles with his nurse fiancé and dachshund. Keep up with what he’s drinking on Twitter @TheAdamSass. Read more finger-wagging opinion & gay news with the new Stay on Fountain e-book: “A Look at the Great Gay Tipping Point”.

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