The Gay-Haters have really broken the goofy meter again!

Months ago, Apple received a whole unwanted hulabaloo when they approved the app “The Manhattan Declaration,” which consisted of little more than a question “Do you believe marriage should be kept between a man and a woman?”  If you answered yes, the Manhattan Declaration would ask you to sign their statement of support for the Antis.  If you answered no, you were told you answered incorrectly and to try again.  Not even kidding.

The whole fiasco ended with Apple removing the app from their store.

WELL!  An admittedly far worse app has just been approved.  Exodus International, a documented hate group, better known as the “Pray the Gay Away Camp” people, better known as dangerous liars, better known as the dirty part under the sink, have an app now!

This is a particularly crafty Joe Camel-esque attempt to seize on gay kids’ minds when they are at their most tender.  Ever since it’s become widely accepted that the idea of forcing a change in sexuality is difficult to the point of impossibility, Exodus Int’l has shifted their focus away from “Pray the Gay Away,” and onto a softer touch of “help these poor lambs remain celibate so as to not further pollute the water.”

In fact, the Exodus Think Tank (surely consisting of scientists, doctors, lawyers, poets, psychologists and other high degree holders) have come up with a nifty new nickname for us gays:

“God’s Handicapped Children.”

Not to be confused with actual handicapped children, who I think should be allowed first dibs on the moniker.

There’s a listing for events, so you can never miss such milestones as Meet My New Wife Picnics and Hang Yourself Thursday.  Also, a Videos section, where I’m sure you see testimonials from guys with big Ned Flanders moustaches.  You also get the chance to ride that fine line between feeling panicky and close to laughter.

Favorite part of the app description: it’s one-star rating, filled with endless comments that are pretty much “You and Apple should be ashamed of yourself.”

Journalist Lisa Ling does a program called “Our America,” where she frequently celebrates Gay and Transgendered people.  For a refreshing palate cleanser, check out this clip of Lisa Ling on Gayle King’s show on OWN, talking to an ex-gay minister.

So, we’ll see how long this app lasts.  If I were you, I’d run out and get that brand new iPad 2 todayand fire up this app while it’s still tolerated.  With the new A5 microprocessor, you can delude yourself up to 9 times faster than ever before.

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Written by Adam Sass

Adam Sass

ADAM SASS begins all his writing in Sharpie on dozens of Starbucks pastry bags. This may cause him to be late making your cappuccino, and he sincerely apologizes. His Writer’s Digest-honored story “98% Graves” appeared in the anthology STARTLING SCI-FI: NEW TALES OF THE BEYOND. He lives in New York City with his husband and two dachshunds.

Find Adam at, his pop culture writing at, or keep up with him on his (over)active Twitter @TheAdamSass.