What did you get your mom for Mother’s Day?
Whatever it is, it don’t hold a candle to the gift ABC gave the anti-gay group “One Million Moms”: delusions of grandeur.
The radical group (and I mean “far right” radical, not “Gushers commercial” radical) has been calling for the destruction of ABC’s mildly rated hot pink show GCB, and now they’ve got their wish.
What's GCB? Tune in to find out!
It was a show about Christian women running around being obnoxious nut-cases, and OMM was angry because they thought they had the market cornered on that front. Actually, their list of grievances was a mile long (and an inch deep). My report from February:
With Desperate Housewives going off the air, the world is anxiously trying to divert a catastrophe that would deprive us of scenes of actresses in full hair and makeup being happened upon while having an affair with a gay soap stud plumber. Behold, the answer to all our prayers! GCB! What’s GCB? It was adapted from a book that wasn’t sure if it celebrated or mocked Christians called Good Christian Bitches. It was then turned into a TV show script that wasn’t sure if it celebrated or mocked Christians called Good Christian Bitches. It was shot by actors who weren’t sure if it celebrated or mocked Christians, and then screened before an equally uncertain focus group, who decided they didn’t like the title Good Christian Bitches. It was then retooled as Good Christian Belles to further deepen the confusion over whether the show celebrated or mocked Christians. Finally, an ABC Programming marketing team decided Good Christian Belles didn’t do enough to favor ‘having it both ways’ over clarity of concept, so it was slapped on 50 trillion billboards as the sounds-like-a-pill GCB. That brings us to today. I’m not sure what kind of audience it’s building, but I don’t think the number of industry-savvy homosexual Southern expatriate chorus boys now living in LA is enough audience to sustain a major network show.
I’m very happy that all these housewife shows, narrative or reality, are exposing mainstream straight culture to gay sensibilities (as in a love for any actress over 40 and a couple gay best friend characters for said actresses to paw at throughout the commercial-filled hour). I’m also happy that these housewife shows are fulfilling a latent fantasy of mainstream gay guys who want to be their mothers’ gossipy bridge partners when they grow up.
I’m being sincere. I celebrate it! My Mom and I wouldn’t be caught dead shopping together, so I don’t identify with it, but I celebrate it, nonetheless.
The only people harder to please than gays is mothers. So, I’m sure it won’t surprise you that One Million Moms (fresh off their highly successful ‘ban Ellen from JC Penny’ campaign) isn’t happy with GCB. I give them credit for sitting through an entire episode. Having no idea what they’re talking about makes this all the more fun. Hang on to your Easter Sunday hats; here’s their list of grievances (bolding mine):
-Gossip (Given)
-Sarcastic “God bless you!” (This angry mother’s day job is running corporate sexual harassment workshops)
-”Out Christian You” simulating a competition (Huh?)
-One gives seductive kissy faces to husband in congregation while singing a solo at church (Monocle drops into champagne)
-Grab each others breast and friend’s daughter’s breast discussing the implants they had done (But that’s the screenwriter’s favorite scene! It’s been in there since Draft One, and it totally happens in real life!)
-”Cleavage helps your cross hang straight” (Line written by guy who wishes he were Bruce Vilanch)
-Song playing “Jesus Go to Hell” (Remember when cool, actually controversial, actually important things used to whip people into a frenzy?)
-One daughter’s tiny cheerleading uniform pops open exposing her bare chest and flashing the crowd at a pep rally (Boobs, yes! That’s what those men like! More boobs!)
-One husband has a homosexual relationship with a foreman at a ranch and wife knows and is fine with it to save her marriage (I’m sleepy)
Cut to present day!
The Moms have been yelling about every single episode since then, which means they were probably the show’s only audience. Because the show was just given the axe by ABC. Guess who’s taking credit for it?
In their press release, they even say that “God is using One Million Moms to help remove this filth from television.” I would have rather had God use One Million Moms to prevent 9/11 or slow the melting of the polar ice caps, but mine is not to question why.
The Moms are outrageous in saying so, to be sure, but it’s no less delusional than anything else that comes out of their Internet-mouths.
In the meantime, using this logic, I can now safely take credit for the ratings dip experienced by NBC’s Smash. You know, because I posted a negative thing about it on the Internet a while ago.
They're a bunch of actors, and they're walking towards ya. Strike them down, OMM, with your God-imbued strength!
But I’ll give it to you, OMM. It’s Mother’s Day, you all worked very hard all year, and you deserved a victory. You’ve taught us all a valuable lesson. It’s not worth it to do any show about Christianity. Better avoid the topic entirely.
