I don’t want to start screaming here, but gays, why we gotta pay? Gays, I don’t know if you realize this, but we, by nature, pay some big ass taxes. And straights, especially straight rich men, listen here: I don’t care how much you think you’re paying in taxes, there’s a gay guy out there who’s paying more.
There’s the marriage thing. Two gays can get married in a handful of states, yes. But there’s a shitty little law called DOMA (The Defense of Marriage Act), which forever prevents the federal government from recognizing gay marriage, even ones that are recognized in individual states. I’m sure you remember DOMA– it was signed into law by some fucking Republican asshole named Bill Clinton.
So what does DOMA prevent gay married persons from sharing? Nothing, really. Just a trifle. Just…
HEALTH INSURANCE. Who needs it?! It’s a socialist experiment anyway! (ow, my back…)
ARMY WIFE THINGS. Yeah, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is a thing of the past! Unfortunately, a soldier’s family being taken care of is not.
NOT BEING DEPORTED. If you’re gay, and you love someone who is not naturally born American, better get used to Skype.
BEING AN OLD HOMEOWNER. If you’re gay and your spouse dies, I hope you had a financial plan that didn’t include you sharing his pension.
TAKING CARE OF A DISABLED SPOUSE. Yep. No disability. Buck up.
Well, that’s it. Except these 1,133 other things. PDF that shit and read it on your Kindle! The legal jargon makes the injustices all nice and foggy.
But that’s not what set me off today. Oh no! You see, marriage equality is all about freedom of choice. If a couple wants to get married, they may do so. If a couple wishes to cohabitate and not do the picket fence family thing, they may also do that. Gay men have a long, financially happy history of DINKdom (that’s Double Income No Kids). However, having kids and a family is no longer strictly for lesbians and some guys (raises hand) want that.
So…gays can have the choice to bear this tax burden or not.
What we DON’T have a choice on, the same pay fate gay guys all share, is auto insurance, according to Queerty:
4AutoInsuranceQuote.org surveyed 500 Manhattan men (that’s 300 straight guys and 200 gays) about their yearly premiums and found that straights averaged $2,154 per year and gays $2,571.
AW HORSESHIT! Will these petty indignities never cease?! What is the meaning of this?
Well, so says University of London, gays have lady brains.
Apparently, their studies showed straight women and gay men across the board tested poorly on stupid things like “navigation” and “spatial awareness.” APPARENTLY, we both heavily rely on landmarks to navigate and “get lost more easily.” Well…that does sound like me. Also, it seems straight guys have stronger awareness of their surroundings, so they get in less fender benders. Gays and women get in more, so this raises our rates.
Screw it, fine. So I spend more time in the car fussing with the radio and my coffee and my phone and holding my boyfriend’s hand than I do “Keeping my eyes on where I am on the road.” PFF! PFF, I say! We don’t have to take these accusations, female friends, because we statistically get in less fatal accidents than straight guys, so HA! Come on, ladies, let’s get out of here–
What? Oh, insurance companies base rates off gender, not what body parts you like putting your mouth on, so we get lumped in with that fatal accident statistic too?
DAMN IT! That’s two dings! As long as that’s the last one…
Oh no, most of us can’t legally wed, which lowers everyone’s rates. Ugh, screw the 1%; its gays that carry the tax load in this country. To paraphrase an old song, “Our love won’t pay our bills.”