In the most awesome time ever for society, 1959, the UK introduced “The Watershed,” a Production Code that would strictly prohibit what was seen on television before 9 pm. This wasn’t officially enforced until the next best time for society, the mid 1980′s, when it came back full force to exclude all but the dullest and laciest of programs.
So, now, conservative UK Prime Minister David Cameron has decided it’s time to tighten the belt of the Watershed once again. Luckily for the people of Britain, such a task has fallen into the right hands. Ho, spoke too soon. Actually, he’s most interested in prohibiting all sexually suggestive same-sex content until (say it sleazily) “late night.” If I know my conservatives, they’ve got an itchy trigger finger when it comes to what they consider “sexually suggestive” for gays, so I’d say good-bye to Good Morning pecks on the cheek as well.
Save it for the Picadilly Circus porno booths, you pervy gents.
This spells doom for the Big Four daytime soaps in Britain, all of which have gay characters and gay storylines. Will the characters be fired? Will they become celibate priests? Or, and this is my devillish hope, will this ignite a firestorm of creativity like Hitchcock and company did during the rotting salad days of the Production Code. Under the Code, no kiss could last longer than three seconds. So, famously in “Notorious,” Hitchcock had Cary Grant and Ingrid Bergman kiss, and then separate, then kiss, then hold each other, then kiss, and then swirl around, then kiss, then throw to the bed, then kiss again. The whole thing lasts a sensual bundle of minutes.
Here’s hoping, but like I said before, Itchy Trigger Finger when it comes to gays, so we might see a different kind of Iron Curtain fall on Britain later this year.
But hey, Royal Wedding, you guys! Does Britain secretly (or not so secretly) wish to time travel everyone to post-war times? Should we ship in piles of bombed out rubble and paint worn-out gloom on faces? Because it seems like they want their love sweet, sexless and already balding.
The world only spins forward, folks. But there could be another silver lining to Britain’s enforced old-timeyness… eventually the country will get so sick of that shit, there will be a revolt, sexy 60′s swinging London style. Looking forward to the future Royal Children painting hippie daisies on their bikini bods. And I’m talking about their future son.
